I haven’t really written anything with much length lately. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a little blue, which is, I suppose, to be expected…

Especially after having had the entire month of July surrounded by loved ones. There was no immediate plan, no routine, no monotonous structure from the day to day.

And I like living that way. I’m like a bird that can’t be caged. Well, not for too long.

So, I’m back home. And it’s good to be home. It is. But I just feel like there’s not a whole lot to do or to explore.

And I’m feeling, I suppose, a little trapped.

But the truth is, I’m trapping myself. Life is what you make of it. I could have done a tonne of things today but I chose not to.

In fact, I didn’t want to leave the house. I wanted to sleep. And perhaps today was just a day that I couldn’t leave. A day when I couldn’t shake the weight that was holding me down.

A day when I just didn’t want to. A day when I needed to just sit that mass of weight down and chill out…

I’ve just been kind of sick all around since I got home. And so, maybe I’m blaming my lack of get up and go on my emotional health when really I’m just a little physically exhausted right now, maybe I’m a little more physically spent than usual.

That’s what’s up with us with high functioning anxiety. It’s like we always need to be on the move or accomplishing something, driven by tests, and scores, and hitting above some imaginary bar…

Perhaps this trying to get back into the swing of things is going to take a bit longer than I anticipated. Perhaps I’m a little rusty?

It’s like I’m always telling myself, “dude, it’s okay to just chill out and not do anything. This is my life. Take a break.”

Stop feeling guilty if you spent the day in a vegetative state. Tomorrow will be different. I’m not going to freefall into some bottomless pit because I didn’t have the day I wanted to have.

So, it was a bad day. Wait, It wasn’t that bad. Let’s put this in perspective…

Nothing terrible happened, maybe I was feeling a little flat, but so what? It’s one day…

One day. Just one day. tomorrow will be better.

Each day is a new beginning. I think tomorrow I’ll get back into yoga, I’ll organize some things around the house, I’ll accomplish something tomorrow…

Yeh, I’m going to put yoga at the top of the list.

I need some mind, body, soul reconnecting..

 

2 thoughts on “Thoughts at 2am

  1. Those feelings suck so bad!!! I haven’t had one of those in a few weeks and am feeling a bit lighter. Am I worried that it will come back to pull me back in? Well hell yeah. I always tell myself that the hardest part of anything, rather its getting out of bed in the morning or leaving the house, is the first step. I hope you got to reconnect with your mind, body, and soul. Let your mind go, breathe the positive in and negative out. ✌🏼

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