I remember when I was 23 and going through, well, a mental breakdown, when I took to google to ask whether your 20’s are the hardest years of your life.

I was looking for a sign from God or the universe, or I guess, google, to tell me that things would get easier.

I needed to know that things would get easier. Because, at that time, had they gotten any harder I would have snapped beyond repair.

I’m pretty sure I would have, anyways. But then again, you only recognize how strong you are when your strength is being tested.

I just didn’t know what to do with my life, what direction I was headed in, I didn’t know how to cope with my anxiety, I couldn’t find employment, and I knew I had to head back to university, which I blamed, at that time, for my anxiety in the first place.

I was in a mess. And I didn’t know how to let go. I didn’t know how to trust that things would work out and so I took to google and asked the question:

“Are your early twenties the most difficult years of your life?”

Well, for a lot of people it turned out they were. Yep, a lot of people said they wouldn’t dare wish to go back to their early 20’s and start over, that with age they’ve found balance, security, a job, a partner, many had a home, and a dog. Things were looking up.

It just made sense that your 20’s would be a struggle. You’re trying to make these huge decisions, and you really don’t have a lot of life experience to back you up.

How do you know what you want?

When I graduated high school I wanted to be a doctor. I hated biology. You’re not always the most rational and level headed as a late teen entering into a sphere where you’re trying to figure out what you want to study in school, and do with the rest of your life…

Unless, you’re lucky enough to be the kind of person who just ends up doing what they’ve always wanted to do. I know a handful of people like that. And I’ve wished a trillion times over that I’d been one of them.

Any given day of the week, during my first degree, I was moving in a new direction. I wanted to do something else, law, education, pharmacy, psychology, nursing… I was all over the place…

Many, like me, hit the inside walls of a post secondary classroom and found their interests changing a kazillion times over. Like the weather.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to change your mind. But it’s so hard being so unsure of what to do. 23 was the hardest year of my life.

But now, at 27, I have stable employment, I have my own house, a vehicle, some money in my bank account, and I’m with the person I want to spend forever with.

And now I’m writing again. And that’s been amazing!

And everything worked out okay. It’s like just trust in wherever you are, because things DO work out.

So, were my early twenties the hardest years of my life? Well, yes so far they were. But they were also heaps of fun. And I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss it at times.

And as it goes, they’ve made me so strong that I feel prepared for whatever it is the future throws my way.

Trust in where you are, follow your heart. And don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re going to end up exactly where you need to be.

Mandy

 

 

 

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