I’ve got nothing sad nor depressing to write. I seriously feel like a zillion bucks. I’ve been feeling pretty awesome these days, to tell you the truth. I haven’t had any panic attacks as of late and the depression got off the train station a few weeks ago.
I guess depression is taking a holiday too. A holiday in hell perhaps, and I hope she stays there.
But, as for me, life has never been better. I’m laying next to the one I love, I’m swimming in the ocean daily and nightly, and intermittently, between naps, I read, or I write or I eat.
And that’s fun. It’s important to have fun. Right? We all know this, but somewhere between then, as a child, and now, we’ve allowed fun to run away and get lost on us.
We played hide-and-seek with fun, and one day she hid beneath a pile of work and we stopped caring to find her.
I’m having as much fun as I possibly can. And I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like because of my anxiety and because of my depression that when I feel good I feel amazing.
Emotions are so complicated!
So, when I laugh, I laugh loud. When I love, I love hard, and when I’m happy, I am the happiest.
And that’s how I feel now. Right now and in this moment.
So here’s a letter to myself the next time I’m feeling low.
I know shits hard right now, but you’re going to be okay. Trust me. I’ve been where you are and I know how hard it can get.
But after all that, I’m still here. We’re still here. And the sun is shining and life is beautiful.
Today is worth all those crappy ones you’ve gone thru. All those tears you cried. All those times you kept pushing forward. Today is worth it. And so was yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that.
Keep holding on because it’s so worth it. I can hear the birds singing again. I can feel the salt water on my skin. I am happy, so happy, to just live, to just be. To be alive. And so, if today is not the day you wanted it to be don’t worry about it.
The universe has got you. Future Mandy, you’re going to be alright. And I promise you’re going to be okay. And I love you more than anyone else in the entire world.
So hang in there. We’ve both got so much left to see.
Love always and forever,
Mandy of July 2017