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Today, I have that heavy weight in my head, that weight where depression usually sleeps or lies dormant. But in this moment, right now, today, she is wide awake and trying to steal away my happiness. And because I have been feeling so well, for so long, I am mad with myself. Why? Why do I have to deal with this shit right now?

I’ve been sleeping too much, I haven’t been exercising enough, I haven’t been eating properly. I drank too much wine Saturday night. These are the things I tell myself. This is my fault. I’ve fallen down on keeping up my resiliency and so today arrived this loathsome visitor. But wait. Why am I blaming myself?

I told, rather warned, my fiancée that I was feeling “emotionally unstable” last night. His reply, “You’ll be okay.”

My first thought: how the fuck do you know that?

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