So, I told this story to my sister last night for the first time. It’s literally one of the grossest things that’s ever happened to me.

And I’m going to share it with you fine folks so you never find yourself in the same position and so you can be as thoroughly disgusted as I was at the time it happened and my sister was last night when I told her about it. Ha.

Since grade 8, I’ve been an avid runner. I use to run almost twice a day in high school. The endorphins, the runners high, you seriously can’t beat it and for me it is one of the very best feelings in the world.

So, in university, after I gained the Freshman 15, I decided to get back into the game. I had been running for a couple months at the time, it was raining, as per usual as I lived in St. John’s, rain, drizzle, fog (RDF) country. I decided I’d go for a run. Screw it. I had recently read a quote that had said, “those who wait for the perfect conditions never get anything done!”

So I ramped up using that piece of motivation, tied up my sneaks and left the front door.

I’m running, it’s raining, and I was trying to strengthen my ponytail when the elastic broke in my hand. Fuck. There is nothing worse than going for a run and your hair is blowing crazily in your face. I tried to tuck my hair into the hood of my jacket. That didn’t work.

And this is where I set myself up for the grossest thing that has, pretty much, ever happened to me. I decided that the next hair elastic I saw on the ground, which is quite common, I would pick up and stick my hair up with.

It was raining, whatever could possibly be on it would have probably washed off, whatever. Lice can’t survive in water, right? And at this point even catching that may have been better than this torture.

Well, about 10 minutes later I saw a white elastic band!! Great, whatever! I’m going to put my hair up with it. Who cares. So I reach down to pick it up…

For those of you who are already ahead of me on this one.. yep, it’s exactly what you think.

I spread the “white hair elastic” across my fingers and realized instantaneously it’s the ring of a condom. PUKE.

I threw it down, was completely mortified. Questioned why I would have even considered such a thing in the first place, questioned what was wrong with me, and my parents who raised such a fool, and with my right arm outstretched as far as humanely possible away from my body, ran towards my house as fast as I have ever ran in my life!

I stuck my hand in a bucket of javax. Haha, no just kidding! But I literally scrubbed my hand for 35 minutes with all the soups and disinfecteds I could seriously find!

The moral of this story. And maybe I’m the only one who would be stupid enough to do this, but if you’re going for a run. Keep an elastic on your arm. And don’t ever pick one up off the ground.

Your pal,





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