Why I don’t Care and Neither Should You
The people closest to me would tell you that I stress out over nothing. Absolutely zero. That I really don’t give too much thought to almost everything. I don’t care what people think of me, I don’t care if my house isn’t neat and tidy, I don’t care how my hair looks, or what I’m wearing… unless I’m going on an evening out in which case yah I really like to do my hair and makeup and stun people as I emerge from being a swamp monster to looking well, half-dece. In general, though, I just don’t care. And you know why? Because those things really don’t matter to me. I’ve been in such low places, that I jus’ feel like stressing over the trivial details of the day to day are going to steal away a moment in time of my basic fundamental happiness or okayness (again, not a word) and that’s just not okay.
My closest friends tell me things like, “man, you don’t care ‘bout nothin,’” or “Mandy, you never stress over anything.” And truthfully, yes, about a lot of things, I simply just don’t care. I don’t have enough energy to waste on things that I just consider unimportant. I haven’t always been this way, far from it. My mom said recently, while talking to my sister’s boyfriend, in front of me, “if you had known Mandy in high-school, you would be shocked. She changed her outfit a thousand times and checked herself in every mirror before she left the house.”
I like myself better this way. And truthfully, so does everyone else. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. I’ve learned to have fun with just being open and honest. With allowing myself to just say what comes to my mind, as long as I know what I’m saying is not going to hurt anyone else. Full disclosure: I truly do not want to ever hurt anyone else’s heart or cause anyone any grief or pain.
But you see, back then, in high-school, I had a big, unnecessary, ugly problem… I cared about what people thought of me. I really, truly cared. I would stay up all night worrying. In high school, kids are mean. I was mean, too. Everyone is mean to each other. I remember a girl actually having described me as being, “gross and not the least bit attractive!” Like, ouch. All these years later and I still remember that. It left a small scar on my heart. And you know what, back then I showered and washed my hair every day…jus’ saying. What would she think of me now?
Another full disclosure, I probably said worse. No, I did say worse. And I’m not proud of that. But that’s another lifetime. That’s that old me that cared what and if someone had something mean to say, and how I could strategize a counter attack.
Fast forward almost ten years, and now here we are. And what I have learned through my own life experience with people, is that while some people are gonna hate ya, the majority of us are all so caught up in our own lives, that we don’t have time to worry about other people and their opinions. At least I don’t.
I have friends, I personally know people who continuously worry what people are going to say. Dude, forget it. You know what everyone is thinking about 99% of the time? Guess? THEMSELVES. They are thinking about their own problems, their own families, their own children, and if they aren’t ready for children, maybe whether that condom broke last night…
And even if you do cross someone’s mind, it’s not like they’re going to sit with you in their head all day thinking all the worst things imaginable about you. And if they want to..WHO CARES! Most people don’t sit around thinking about what Mandy Halbot is up to today. Why? Because I’m just not that important to most people. I’m not at the center of everyone’s universe, and neither are you.
We all have enough crap on our own plates to deal with.
So instead, I’ve placed my energy elsewhere. By giving less of a f$@k about what people are gonna think, how I look, whether or not someone likes me, I can spend more of my f$&ks on things like being kind to someone, giving someone a compliment to hopefully brighten their day, laugh at the stupid things I do all day everyday, so that someone else can have a laugh at my own expense.
I’ve shifted my sugars (aka fucks). And I do think that I’ve become a way better person because of it. I have a bank account of fucks to give and I try to spend them wisely. And you know what? You can too.
As my brother, Shannon told me, it’s good to have a low GAFF (give a f factor) when and where possible. And I take advice from him cos he’s super cool and super smart. #idol
xX Mandy Elaine ❤